Potlucks for the Domestically Challenged

The holiday season is notorious for meals with friends and loved ones.  A new trend is to have potlucks.  This is my nightmare as I am domestically challenged.  Yes, I could pick something up at the grocery store but I hate the judgmental stares when you take the plastic wrap off and remove the price tag.  What are my options?

I need something that is simple, doesn’t require a kitchen full of tools and will dazzle guests and hosts with my contribution. 

Ideas:

A Strange Treat:

Ingredients:

Banana Nut Bread loaf

Bag of Sliced apples

Sliced Cheddar cheese

You can either bake a banana nut bread loaf or buy it from the store.  I say buy it from the store and save the time.  Cut slices in half; add a slice of cheese and apple slice on top.  The combination of flavors is amazing.

Quick Salsa:

Ingredients:

Can of salsa

Can of whole cornel corn (drained)

Can of black beans (drained and rinsed)

In a mixing bowl combine ingredients and mix together.  Add chips!

This will give the appearance of homemade salsa.

Hummus Platter:

Ingredients

Tub of plain hummus

Jar of roasted tomato pesto

Mix together serve with pita chips and veggies.

Easy Sangria:

Ingredients:  

2 bottles of Moscato

A bottle of Ruby Red Grapefruit juice

2 – 3 cups of white rum

Fresh fruit such as pears or apples

Mix ingredients together in a large pitcher or punch bowl.

Nice People Finish Last

The other day my coworkers and I had a conversation about relationships.  The males in the group were mainly concerned with the concept that women do not like nice guys.  The females in the group answered back with, “Guys only date bitches.”  It seems as though there is a “disconnect” between these two concepts.  If both sexes believe the other is looking for a “bad” partner where does that leave us? 

I started thinking about this concept and mulling it around in my mind.  I dove into my past relationships to see if there was any truth in this concept.  What had I done in my own past to support or deny this claim?

First I had to define a few terms.  Of course when it comes to relationships there are always aspects that need defining.  What constitutes a “bad boy” or a “bitchy woman"?  Well definitely an abusive man would be considered “bad.”  Someone who abuses drugs?  I could see that falling under the category of “bad.”  A cheater?  Someone who lies?  A scrub?  Someone who is controlling?  A jealous man?  The list is racking up.

Let’s focus on the ladies.  Someone who is bitchy could possess qualities such as bossy, abusive, wants someone for money?  Someone who manipulates others to get what she wants?  Controlling?  Jealous?  Basically anyone who is on the show Bridezillas. 

When listing these qualities, they don’t sound appealing.  So what is the draw towards these people?  I personally don’t believe it has anything to do with whether a guy is a little bad or a girl is a little bitchy.  I believe it depends on emotionally availability.   Both sexes aren’t drawn to people who are too available.  They want a little mystery, someone a little withdrawn.  They want to work for it a bit.  The thrill of the chase.

We also can't forget about the gray areas.  People don't fall into either a bad or good category.  There are many places to go in between.  

What are other’s thoughts on this subject?

What's In The Box?

Last night I watched the film Eat, Pray, Love.  I was particularly intrigued by the part in the film when she and her friend discuss their “boxes.” Each box was distinct and held special contents for the women.

I reached under my bed searching for the round figure that I had stored all my hopes and dreams in.  I pulled the brightly colored hatbox out and removed the top.  It was like strolling down memory lane.  I first removed pictures that I had taken with my friends and family in various places.  Then I removed postcards of places I wanted to travel.  As I removed the postcard of the Boston Skyline, I smiled.  I can mark that off my list.  I removed a postcard of Chicago; nope I still haven’t been there.  I removed cards that were given to me by friends.  Some I still have a relationship with; other’s who I had lost touch with.  Folded up at the bottom was a magazine cutout of a beach house I had fallen in love with. 

I started to ponder why we keep these boxes.  It is as though they serve as an evaluation of how much we have accomplished.  As far as my evaluation I was somewhat pleased.  There were some contents that were no longer of importance to my life.  There were several places I could mark off my “To Visit” list, but many more left.  And I wasn’t sure how long it would be before I owned the house of my dreams.  After examining the contents of my box, I decided to restock it with new things I wanted to accomplish and do.  Hopefully by the next time I open my box, I will be able to mark more things off my list.

Hello Old Friend

If you are a follower of my blog I am sure you have notice the lack of recent activity.  I apologize for my lack of entries.  I could coward away and tell you that I have been extremely busy but the truth is I have been dealing with relationship issues.  The reason I started writing this blog was to give others a safe place to discuss and read about issues we face in our twenties.  Though it is important, the topic of relationships has not been discussed on this blog.  Posting anything about relationships would shed light on the insecurities and uncertainties I was experiencing in my own personal relationships.  I knew writing about this meant being upfront and honest about my own issues.  Since my last postings I have taken the time to work through my own issues and survived the pitfalls that accompany these situations. 

This post will be a series of thoughts and questions for you to ask yourself.  Examine your current relationship or past relationships.  I ask you to see the relationship as it is or was instead of the way you see or remember it.  There are many factors that can contribute to relationship troubles.  The following things could contribute to issues in a relationship or lead to a break-up.

1.  Long distance:  While taking a Social Psychology course we discussed why relationships form and what helps them continue.  The number one reason was proximity.  With that being said it is no wonder long distance takes a strain on a relationship.

Tips:  Before entering into a long distance relationship ask yourself several questions.  Do you need a significant other who can be involved directly in your life?  Are you a great communicator?  Do you have the time needed to support that person long distance and/or do they have the time to support you? 

2. People change:  Or you actually get to know the “real” person you are in a relationship with. 

Tips:  Make sure you take the opportunity to know someone before you jump into a relationship.  Once you are in a relationship with someone continue to get to know him or her and take an interest in his or her daily life.  On the flip side of that make sure you are honest about who you are.  

3. The relationship is not defined:  For some people labeling a relationship helps them to understand the relationship while others do not believe in labels.  If this is the case the relationship could go undefined and will become confusing for both parties.

Tips:  Open communication will help each party explain what they need out of the relationship.  Even though it is awkward, it is important to have the “what are we” conversation.  When having this conversation be open and understanding to the other person’s point of view. 

4. Expectations for the relationship:  To have a successful relationship each person needs to have common expectations for the relationship.  Where will the relationship lead?  What will each person bring to the relationship and what will each person need from the relationship?

Tips:  Communicating about these expectations help clarify what each person needs and expects from the relationship.        

5. Not willingly to make sacrifices:  Some people are not willing to change their expectations to fit the other person’s expectations.  In the case of a long distance relationship, someone may not be willing to move closer for the relationship. 

Tips:  Before going into the relationship know what the other person is willing to do and not willing to do.  What are their main focuses?  Are they career focused?  Are they more focused on marriage?  Or children? 

Please post any other issues or tips you may have experienced in your own relationships.

You're Hired!

Today my post will be about the many challenges young professionals encounter when entering the work force.  Whether you are starting your first full-time job or a new job, you are faced with the task of establishing yourself.  Yes you think you are prepared due to your internships, extracurricular activities and part-time jobs but working full-time for one purpose is a different story.  You want to be valued for your experience and degree when in actually that is just what got your foot in the door.  The rest of your reputation will depend on the work you do while you are there.    

Below are some lessons I have painfully learned when first entering the workforce and changing jobs. 

Challenge 1:  Being young, inexperienced and unwed

These are the three “no’s no’s” when joining a new staff.  For many of your co-workers if you are new to the job, just out of college and not married you will not be viewed as an equal.  Though everything comes with a rite of passage, this can be extremely frustrating.

Approach:  Show these people why you were hired.  Show them the energy a younger person can bring to a company.  It also does not hurt to look to them for advice, this way they will feel you are valuing their experience and will mostly likely give you a break.  

Challenge 2:  Presenting New Ideas

It is so easy to become excited about the new ideas you want to incorporate.  One big mistake is to jump in and start presenting your ideas as soon as you walk through the door.  Your boss and co-workers may see your ideas as criticizing and critiquing the company’s policies or procedures. 

Approach:  Take the first few months in a position to learn the job.  Observe the culture of the company and how things work.  Do not assume that because past employers were happy to hear new ideas that your new boss will be receptive.  After some time with the company start subtly bringing ideas into meetings or presenting them to your boss.

Challenge 3:  Office Politics and Drama. 

This is not something that just young professionals are involved in.  I have seen 50 and 60 year old seasoned members of a company create more drama than the newer professionals.  However this can make or break you in a company, not to mention make your work experience unpleasant.

Approach:  Again observe the culture of the company and the interworkings of the staff.  Who seems to “wear the pants” among your co-workers?  Who does everyone go to for advice?  Who does everyone trust? And more importantly who does everyone not trust?  Before taking sides or agreeing with someone get all the details and facts.  Be careful not to get involved in gossip. 

Challenge 4:  Becoming the “yes” person.

When first starting a job it seems like the right thing to do to say “yes” to any project or order that comes your way.  Though it is important to do the work given to you by the boss, it is also equally important not to bite off more than you can chew.  If you say “yes” to every project thrown your way, people may quickly take advantage of this.  Co-workers will automatically assume you will take on a project.  Another drawback to being the “yes” person is that you are taking other projects from people who may really want to do them.  This could cause tension in the workplace.

Approach:  Be selective of what you say yes to.  Make sure you are signing up for projects you know you have the skills, abilities and time to dedicate to.  You know professionally the goals you are working towards so make sure your projects reflect those goals. 

Challenge 5:  Dealing With Your Supervisor. 

We all work for people we love and people we would rather not work for.  Learning how to deal with these different supervisory approaches can help you become more flexible in your work. 

Approach:  Research the different type of supervisory roles and find the role that best fits your current supervisor.  Once you find out what type of supervisor you are working for, the better you will be able to satisfy and work with him or her. 

Challenge 6:  The Dreaded Confrontation

Conflict is a natural part of life and will happen.  There is no way to avoid it.  It seems even when you do try to avoid it people will confront you about avoiding confrontation. 

Approach:  When faced with confrontation do NOT let your emotions get the best of you.  Always remain calm.  This is something I have had problems with in the past.  Instead of confronting someone about a behavior, I let it fester until BOOM, I am ripping someone’s head off.  When you are in control of your emotions and approach the matter in a calm manner you look more professional.  Thus people will respect you for approaching them in a mature manner.  Make sure to use phrases like “I feel” instead of “you did this.”  If you take ownership of your emotions it will feel less like an attack on the person who you are confronting. 

Challenge 7:  Competition among Co-Workers.

There are some co-workers who will do things to make you look bad so that they look better.  It is just the way it is. 

Approach:  Again remain calm when dealing with people like this.  Focus on the things you are suppose to be doing.  Throw all your energy into doing your projects well and not being upset about the way they are treating you.  Let them get obsessed with the quest to make you look bad.  If they are spending their time and energy focusing on this, they are dropping the ball somewhere else.

Challenge 8:  Confidence in Yourself.

It is only natural when starting a job to be anxious about doing the job well.  This shows that you care about your work.  When you second guess every little thing you do, it makes others nervous.  Then they will start second guessing what you do.

Approach:  Instead of stressing over the skills and abilities you want to improve focus on the aspects you do well.  For the things you want to improve, start a short-term goal list and work through them one at a time.

Please share your own challenges and how you dealt with them.  I hope this helps those who have just graduated college and are anxious about entering the work force. 

Spice Up Your Life!!

Recently a friend of mine made a 30 before 30 list. These were things she wanted to do before she turns 30. One of the items on her list was to find a new outing for her and her friends. I thought this would be a great idea for a post. So many times we get tired of doing the same thing every weekend. After doing some research I have compiled a list of some fun and creative ideas to spice up your social life!

Special Outings:

1. Road Trip!! – This could be for the weekend or just for a day. Get a map (or GPS) and just start driving in a certain direction. Don’t forget your favorite snacks and music.

2. Last Minute Travel Deals – You can always find inexpensive last minute trips for under $300 through most traveling websites. Plan in advance a weekend that will work for you and your friends. Two weeks before the trip find a last minute deal to a random place.

3. Unique Dining Experiences – The Melting Pot is one of my favorite places to go. It is a fun dining experience. Do some research and find new and unique restaurants that you and your friends would enjoy. Try different types of cuisines and international foods.

4. Tea Time! – Dress your best, grab your hat and gloves and find a local tearoom. It will be a great time and you will have plenty of photo opportunities.

5. Adult Prom – It’s like prom but you can drink…well legally. Many clubs and bars host this at least once a year. Do some research in your area and have a “Night under the Stars” or whatever their corny prom theme is for the night.

6. Find Your Inner Athlete – Try beach volleyball, golf, or tennis. If you don’t know how to play it will only be more entertaining.

7. Scavenger Hunt – Make a list of things to find in your neighbor. Buy disposable cameras and give them to your friends so they can take pictures of the items or people on the list.

8. Historic Landmarks – While on your road trip stop along the way to check out local historic landmarks.

9. Yoga and Meditation Retreats – This would be great if one of your friends is experiencing a great deal of stress in their life. You will all come back calm and centered.

10. Get pampered for the day! Many spas will allow you to come in while they are closed and rent the place for you and your friends.

11. Be One with Nature – Visit a local zoo, aquarium or botanical garden.

12. Winter Wonderland – When it’s cold outside and all you want to do is stay in, get out! Go ice skating, snowboarding, or skiing!

13. Fun in the Sun – Pack a picnic and head for the closest beach or lake. Don’t forget the sunscreen.

14. Shopping for Less – Find local flea markets and thrift shops in your area. You may find a vintage treasure!

15. Skating – Remember in junior high when the skating rink was the place to be! Bring back some memories with a trip to your local skating rink.

Girl’s Night In

1. Fashion Swap – Everyone brings items from their closet that they are thinking of getting rid of. Put them in the center of the room and draw numbers. The person who has No. 1 picks an item from the pile. The person with No. 2 can either take the item from No. 1 or pick an item and so on. An item can only be stolen twice. This is similar to Yankee Swap.

2. Potluck – Everyone brings over their favorite dish.

3. Yard Sale – After Spring cleaning, gather the items that you no longer need. You can either keep the money or donate it to a local charity.

4. Spa Night – Make homemade masks and do pedicures and manicures.

5. Very Happy “Unbirthday” Party – Celebrate everyone’s Unbirthday by bringing each other homemade gifts.

6. Margaritas and Movies – Have a movie marathon of your favorite films. Add margaritas and you have a drinking game.

7. Wine Party – Each person brings a bottle of wine paired with an appetizer.

Go out in the Community

Look out in the community for fun and creative opportunities. Many local art councils, museums and colleges provide classes. This could be a fun activity for you and your friends to attend. Recently I took a wine class at a local art council and had a blast. Here are some other suggestions:

1. Cooking classes – For those of you, like me that are challenged in this area.

2. Art classes – Painting, pottery, or Photography

3. Community Events – Go to your town’s website for a calendar of upcoming events in your area.

Finding Your Spot

As we look towards our “next big step” there is always the lingering question of “Where will I go?”  The next step almost always includes a move to a new place.  You have to pick the place, find an apartment, find a roommate and pretty much start all over.  You could either be tired of your current place or moving for more professional opportunities.  Making these decisions can cause extreme anxiety and stress. 

When trying to find a new place to call home we should try to stay open-minded and think outside of the box.  Remember this is not the first time you have done this.  This was the same approach you took when choosing a college and your first place out of college.  This post will give you tips as a website that will help you in determining your next spot. 

First we will look at the many aspects to consider when moving to a new place.  I have come up with several categories to consider when moving:

1.      Location – Where would you like to go?  Would you like to move South, North, East, or West?  In the United States or outside the United States?  Do you want to live near the beach?  Near the mountains?

2.      Weather – This is a big factor for some people.  Can you tolerate a long winter?  Can you tolerate a humid, hot summer?  Do you like to snowfall once a year or constantly for 4 or 5 months?  Do you like the rain?

3.      Distance from Family or Friends – To some people this is an important aspect because they enjoy the added social support.  It is sometimes hard to make friends once you move but remember that is an option as well.

4.      Size Matters – To some it does.  Some people enjoy the amenities of a big city while others enjoy the quaintness of a small town. 

5.       Amenities – Do you want to be close to public transit?   Do you want to be near hip restaurants and nightlife?  Do you want to be somewhere that the entire town doesn’t close down at 8pm?  If you enjoy the outdoors, you might want to be in close proximity to parks and other outdoor facilities.  If you enjoy attending cultural events, you will want to live in an area that is host to theatres, observatories, museums, and art galleries.   

6.      Professional Opportunities – In today’s economy this is a biggie!  You definitely want to move to a place that provides new professional opportunities.  Many of the up and coming cities can supply you with this.  They may not be as big as others cities but will give you the amenities and opportunities you are looking for.

7.      Matching the Vibe of the Place – The vibe of a place can make it or break it!  If you are looking for a fast-paced, energizing area you will more than likely not be happy in a small, Southern town.  However if you are a person that gets stressed out by crowds, a big city may increase your stress.  A place’s vibe also depends on the people in that area.  Do you like the people that you will be interacting with on a daily basis? 

8.      Cost of Living – Though some places may have everything on your list, the cost of living may be astronomical!!  You may be willing to give up a few things to live in your dream location.  Think about what you would be giving up.  Is it worth living in your “dream place” if you can't afford to enjoy any of the amenities?

Once you have thought about the criteria, rank them in importance to you.  This should help you with your decision.  Take time to research and visit the places you are considering.  Spend time with the people in the community.  See what they do for fun.  Try and avoid doing touristy things on your visit as this will not give you a good idea of the people.     

If this has inspired you to take a move or start researching, I have one final tool for you to use.  This is a website that administers a quiz to determine your top spots.  You may be surprised by your results.

http://www.findyourspot.com/